so im a psych major right
and the other day, this argument happened
my mom was telling me about this gal on tv who succeed when she lost her ability to walk.
so i macam okay then, i cakap lah i pun susah jugak bcs i lost my dad and all that
and my mom macam thats different
and she mentioned those who lost parents masa kecil and besar is different
kalau you baby, you wont rasa that kehilangan much
and me being the gal yg dah gone through that phase, i can speak for those kids and cakap ITS DIFFERENT okay?
in a family, everyone got their roles, yaaa sure mom can act as both mommy daddy but cannot guys cannot. its different. psychologically its gonna effect the children.
how? been there. done that.

doubt

never doubt what Allah got in the store for you
it might seems like its nothing, but it something.
I once thought that Allah fucked me over.
I'm a strong girl. I know that. and I stand by that.
but sometimes I just wanna be weak.
I know now that He is really the Almighty.
but
I used to wonder;
I pray, I read the quran, du'a past solah
and still I've got meh results
I saw others who did no such things but still got excellent result
It wasn't fair
but I keep it all to myself
I pray that Allah put me in the univ that I wants
He gave me the one that I despise the most
I cried bcs of petty things I know
but those petty things gonna construct how my life will be
and I was beyond disappointed, I was devastated
little did I know
He got better thing planned for me
and MasyaAllah. Alhamdulillah.

trying

I've tried sooooo hard but it's never enough
it came to a point that I've thought to myself
why keep on trying if everything is gonna end up not working out anyway?
people say
if you're thinking of giving up, think about the reason why you hold on in the first place?
but
what about if the thing holding me back from giving up is not there anymore? gone. poof just like that.
then what?
why keep on working on something that's meant to be a dead end?

for me
life is like a puzzle
all those moments happening in your life are the puzzle pieces
the happy ones you'll cherish forever and the sad ones that you wished you won't face again
you might not know why but when you get all the pieces together, you;ll see the bigger picture
and I'm pretty sure you'll be proud  as hell to finish that puzzle
it's gonna be worth it
just hold on and don't let go
:)

sometimes you just gotta seize the moments honestly
stop living in your past
bcs that just what it will ever be. a past.
appreciate what happens around you peeps
and this post happened bcs i cant participate in my convocation
so yeah
im sad, not gonna lie about that
but if i wanna be selfish just for my own good and burden anyone else
thats shitty even for me
so yeah
just believe that Allah knows what best for me
were only planning but He is the one who determines everything
so yeah
just trynna be okay with it honestly

so tadi aku keluar with pewds, syed, alif and helmi and ni first time kut aku keluar dengan dorang and they are so masuk air i had so much fun. legit pagi tu i keluar jog with pewds then she belanja makan roti canai and im a happy bitch by then sebab bitch free food and then we all go to dewan besar sebab ada program dekat situ so aku pun macam ikut je ah. the coupon is at stake at that time soyeah.. then pewds ajak makan seoul garden and movie so aku macam hokay then. sebab i wanna make as much as friends as i can get!
then we all pun naik uber. legit pewds order uber x. theyre 5 people okay and dapat honda jazz so macam okay je ah. tak sempit sangat. then makan dekat sana. which is the first time for aku, helmi and syed. so noobie gila and dorang ended up kaut banyak gila thingy the table is fullllll. so macam it was nice sebab legit i tak pernah kenal dorang pun before this and i had so much fucking fun.
so macam the makanan is so banyak and macam semua orang dah angkat white flags so i found a new way. i legit suapkan semua orang so that theyll finish it. hahahaha. legit so berkesan. and ada jugak ah yang syed tu jadi bangang sikit nak try wasabi challege. sudah menggelupur mamat tu jadinya. it was so so so so fucking funny. we laughed so hard.
and after that dorang nak tengok jackie chan but i legit malas nak tengok. so i told em yang yguys go and watch the movie while aku stroll around the mall and pewds tak bagi. she said shell buy me the tix so i macam okay then. and then syed cakap dia nak tengok kingsman and i was like nak i teman tak? sebab kingsman was nice okay. tengok second time still nice. but the tix dah fully booked time tu so we all ambik the screening after that. so ada like an hour to spend so paksa syed masuk popular but dia macam boring je. so i asked him jejalan masuk yubiso and tried the products there. tapi kan tak banyak sangat kan? so we ended up masuk the drug stores. hahahahaha legit tried the testers, cleansers and many things lah. dia jadi my experiment. tak pernah doh first time keluar jadi rapat macam tu. legit ada one time tali kasut aku terbukak, time aku ikat tu dia gurau ah cakap kalau tak aku boleh ikat. then later on tali kasut aku terbukak lagi tau. tengah jalan. and guess what? yeah i legit suruh dia ikat kan. and dia ikat doh! sambil lagu ed sheeran talking out loud duk pasang. hahahahaha sumpah couple sangat siot. tapi memang mamat tu gentleman af ah. masa movie pun nice jugak. the kind of person yg kau boleh masuk air tak timbul timbul. everyone of em. every single pne of em tu masuk air.
then dah sampai uitm. tah macam mana boleh pulak tersembang benda pelik dengan alif. mula mula deep throat je then choke me daddy lah cekik saya abah ah. and we bonded over that. sumpah bangang hanat. and yang paling funny sekali kan. at first the only ones yang understand the term tu just both of us so memang macam helok sangat lah gilanya tu.
but ended up having so much fun ah. i tak tipu doh.

mannn it been months since i last updated here doh
kay so the story is..
like couple of months back masa aku punya birthday like apa yg dah diketahui, most of my friends forget about it so that thing. that one thing macam turning point tau bagi aku
macam buat aku fucking sedar yang im not important for em so aku macam im done bitch im fucking done
starting from that, aku start buat prinsip baru. aku akan kawan dgn semua orang. bukanlah before this aku tak kawan ke pe but biasanya aku pergi dengan so called roommate je
but this sem, dorang tak tunggu aku pun weh masa daftar. legit daftar sendiri je. alasan parents dorang marah. memang lah aku boleh buat lek wat chill je but kemon ah. aku pun ada feelings jugak doh. kau dah janji nak daftar sama, then fucking suddenly kau daftar korang je while yguys have your fucking parents there. nampak sangat aku tak important doh. kawan apa macam ni. macam nak cakap tu salah aku pulak. aku bersyukur jugak lah aku tak sebilik dengan korang sebab nampak korang macam fake. okay ah maybe aku pun fake jugak, tapi siapa tak fake kalau macam tu? so jangan nak blame aku ah. so aku punya prinsip baru aku taknak cari bestfriend sebab macam pointless je kalau cari among korang je. i tried to further my horizon. im loking for friends. i legit put boundaries around me sebab with those boundaries lah aku rasa selamat. safe and sound. buat apa nak terhegeh hegeh dekat orang lain when said people was just taking you for granted ffs!