its 2016 already!
very surreal.
2015 taught me a lot of things and ive gained tons of new experience from it
first time for everything. first time mohon tu mohon ni, first time interview, first time lah nak experience what the fuck is the bloody independence duk tercampak kat utara nu ha. rasa lah nak kena belanja tu macam mana. nak berjimat bagai. seksa kut. first time kut merasa puasa sendiri even thou aku biasa puasa bukan buka ngan famili pun, feeling lah nak acah acah nyanyi balik kampung ooooo balik kampung bagai dalam bas tu, tup tup hamek kau! tertinggal bas. tu pun experience gak tu. nak balik kampung, nak beli tiket, comfirm sold out. last resort? balik kl lah gamaknya. dah balik dengan baneh, kak paten ngan lica. amik kat pudu. tu feeling balik kampung bebenor tu. dengan jammnya bagai. then, nak kena buat choices sendiri and be responsible with those choices. and I met a lot of new people. met some internet friends. Ivy and Raven yeahhhh!!! explore new things tu dah pasti ah.
2016, be good to me
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Sunday, December 20, 2015
2015 had been such a life-changing experience for me.
I've discovered a new part of myself.
I've found a bunch of good friends that I can call sisters.
I've changed my views on certain issues.
I'm not saying that it's been great, but it's not bad either.
Wishing for a better year next year and the years after that.
Peace.
I've discovered a new part of myself.
I've found a bunch of good friends that I can call sisters.
I've changed my views on certain issues.
I'm not saying that it's been great, but it's not bad either.
Wishing for a better year next year and the years after that.
Peace.
Friday, December 18, 2015
I might grows my crush back. idk man. maybe.
but ramai yang cakap, maybe sebab kau dah suka yr crush, kau tak ada angau dgn mana'2 boys.
idk man. idk. i am socially awkward, so idk. sometimes, in public, i doesnt even know what to talk about and i ended up shutting up. its not like i dont wanna talk, im feeling much comfortable staying silent. thats all. and kalau kau rasa aku ni jenis yg pendiam dgn kau, that means aku rasa awkward dengan kau. serious lah aku cakap. others cakap aku ni friendly, but..! aku cuma macam tu bila aku dah selesa dgn someone or im in need of a friend. serious ah. yguys will never see me shut up. i will talk nonstop. thats me.
back to the topic that ive been talking about, i think my love for dylan o'brien and other actors causes me to do that, i guess. i mean, yeah. i love him with all my heart. you can gimme the internet and ill live happily ever after.
cant you see? im not like other girls. i hate makeup, i curse all the time. i cried, i laughed, i acted like a retarded girl when i read fanfic. so, yeahhh. i dont give a fuck about what boys think of me bcs i know that its impossible for them to like me. so why waste my time crushing over them when i know about the ending? im not being pathetic, im being realistic. im thinking about spending my time wisely while knowing that im not wasting it just for fun. at least, by fangirling with those actors, i can save myself from those heartbreaks.
you know what im saying?
back to the topic that ive been talking about, i think my love for dylan o'brien and other actors causes me to do that, i guess. i mean, yeah. i love him with all my heart. you can gimme the internet and ill live happily ever after.
cant you see? im not like other girls. i hate makeup, i curse all the time. i cried, i laughed, i acted like a retarded girl when i read fanfic. so, yeahhh. i dont give a fuck about what boys think of me bcs i know that its impossible for them to like me. so why waste my time crushing over them when i know about the ending? im not being pathetic, im being realistic. im thinking about spending my time wisely while knowing that im not wasting it just for fun. at least, by fangirling with those actors, i can save myself from those heartbreaks.
you know what im saying?
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Thursday, December 10, 2015
don't take anything for granted
when i heard stories about what others regret the most when they lose someone in their lives, it got me thinking. real hard. and that my friend was hard to happen.
like, someone who is there today, theres no guarantee that theyll be there tomorrow.
jangan biarkan ada benda yang kau menyesal tak buat di kemudian hari sebab kau malu ke pe. menyesal tu lagi sakit weh. at least, kalau kau buat, bolah lah jugak sedapakan hati tu.
macam last post, where i posted the screenshot for the conversation between abang and i. weh. thats the first time kut aku cakap aku sayang kat dia directly. biasanya just mengaku kat mama je. ye. orang sayang abang. mama nehh. something like that lah. tapi tatau lah weh, dunia ni pun tatau lagi berapa lama lagi wujud, ajal maut tu semua bukan kita tahu pun, bukan boleh predict. sometimes, aku jealous gak ah dengan sesapa yang ada sakit tu. yang docs boleh letak due date dekat life dia. macam orang lain tahu yang dorang kena luahkan apa yang dorang rasa tu sebelum terlambat. kalau tetiba je meninggal, bukan lagi sakit ke weh? tak ready pun tetiba theyre gone. not around any longer. kalau sakit, sekurang2nya their loved ones boleh prepare themselves. aku sangat emotional weh. serious aku cakap. deaths hit me so hard!
to abang, aku sayang kau gila gila kut. kau je abang yang aku ada. yang annoying tu kau, yang protective tu kau, yang garang tu kau. tapi tu lah. kau tu kau. aku sayang kau kut. sayang gila gila gila sayang. tapi kita kan macam berlagak macho sikit. tak nak mengaku. kau kan memang cemtu. hahaha. aku benci kau kut masa aku kecik dulu, sebab kau garang gila. kau pun satu kecik kecik temper dah macam hape tah. cer lembut sikit ke pe. keje maki manjang. sedih tau tak jadi adik kau. masa masuk sekolah menengah, semua orang kata jealous sebab diorang ada kakak, takde abang. aku macam, celah mana nak jealous duh? aku ada kau, tapi kau asyik buat aku nangis je. mama cakap kau berubah bila ayah pergi, tapi agak lah bro, aku tau aku kecik tapi tu ayah aku jugak kut. aku rasa jugak weh. kita nangis sama2 kut depan vending machine dekat hospital kl tu. aku ada jugak kut masa doc tu kata ayah dah takde. aku nampak jugak kut berpuluh wayar pape tah yang ada dekat dada ayah tu. aku ada kay. aku tau aku kecik, tapi aku ingat kut. aku paham kay. and cuba kau bayang, aku yang kecik tu feeling dia camne? and kau marah marah aku. aku perempuan kut, hati lembut, air mata ni pulak macam air terjun aku cakap kat kau. tapi tu lah. orang cakap lelaki ni punya matang macam siput, nampak lah kau makin tua, makin okay.tah lah. dysfunctional betul lah weh. kau bagi wish aku exam pun dah hujan macam hape tah. aku memang tak boleh lah ngan kau ni. serious ah aku cakap, aku sayang kau. dah berapa kali ni aku cakap aku sayang kau neh? bersyukur k? bersyukur. heee. kau kan wali aku bila aku gatal nak kahwin nanti. takkan aku nak suruh ijam kut? kau kan abang, thats your job kut.
to adik, akak sayang kau jugak kut. aku ada kau dengan abang je kenit oi. kau lah kawan aku gaduh, kawan aku nangis, kawan aku main, kawan aku gelak. kau lah kawan aku dik. kau memang annoying kut. aku rasa gene kita ni memang banyak darah annoying kut. tapi aku bangga ah dengan kau. aku harap kau jadi hafiz dik. and aku harap kau dapat lah capai impian impian kau. satu benda yang aku takkan mengaku is, kau pandai lukis dik. agak talented lah. tak membazir lah kau beli komik beratus tu. heh. akak tatau ah nak tulis apa, idea aku dah banyak lari kat abang kut. blame him kay. tapi yang pasti, aku memang sayang kau gila gila gila. ingat tu!
and for mama, goshhh. this is to hard kut. mama, youre one hella of a fighter. i mean youre my iron lady and i love you so much. nothing can describe how much you meant to me. you taught me lots of thing and i love your jokes.
and i cant continue this people. mata aku dah hujan dah. lebat masa aku taip to abang tu ha. maybe aku akan buat entry for mama, later. im such a crybaby.
huh
lets just stop right here kay, i need more tissue.
kbye
when i heard stories about what others regret the most when they lose someone in their lives, it got me thinking. real hard. and that my friend was hard to happen.
like, someone who is there today, theres no guarantee that theyll be there tomorrow.
jangan biarkan ada benda yang kau menyesal tak buat di kemudian hari sebab kau malu ke pe. menyesal tu lagi sakit weh. at least, kalau kau buat, bolah lah jugak sedapakan hati tu.
macam last post, where i posted the screenshot for the conversation between abang and i. weh. thats the first time kut aku cakap aku sayang kat dia directly. biasanya just mengaku kat mama je. ye. orang sayang abang. mama nehh. something like that lah. tapi tatau lah weh, dunia ni pun tatau lagi berapa lama lagi wujud, ajal maut tu semua bukan kita tahu pun, bukan boleh predict. sometimes, aku jealous gak ah dengan sesapa yang ada sakit tu. yang docs boleh letak due date dekat life dia. macam orang lain tahu yang dorang kena luahkan apa yang dorang rasa tu sebelum terlambat. kalau tetiba je meninggal, bukan lagi sakit ke weh? tak ready pun tetiba theyre gone. not around any longer. kalau sakit, sekurang2nya their loved ones boleh prepare themselves. aku sangat emotional weh. serious aku cakap. deaths hit me so hard!
to abang, aku sayang kau gila gila kut. kau je abang yang aku ada. yang annoying tu kau, yang protective tu kau, yang garang tu kau. tapi tu lah. kau tu kau. aku sayang kau kut. sayang gila gila gila sayang. tapi kita kan macam berlagak macho sikit. tak nak mengaku. kau kan memang cemtu. hahaha. aku benci kau kut masa aku kecik dulu, sebab kau garang gila. kau pun satu kecik kecik temper dah macam hape tah. cer lembut sikit ke pe. keje maki manjang. sedih tau tak jadi adik kau. masa masuk sekolah menengah, semua orang kata jealous sebab diorang ada kakak, takde abang. aku macam, celah mana nak jealous duh? aku ada kau, tapi kau asyik buat aku nangis je. mama cakap kau berubah bila ayah pergi, tapi agak lah bro, aku tau aku kecik tapi tu ayah aku jugak kut. aku rasa jugak weh. kita nangis sama2 kut depan vending machine dekat hospital kl tu. aku ada jugak kut masa doc tu kata ayah dah takde. aku nampak jugak kut berpuluh wayar pape tah yang ada dekat dada ayah tu. aku ada kay. aku tau aku kecik, tapi aku ingat kut. aku paham kay. and cuba kau bayang, aku yang kecik tu feeling dia camne? and kau marah marah aku. aku perempuan kut, hati lembut, air mata ni pulak macam air terjun aku cakap kat kau. tapi tu lah. orang cakap lelaki ni punya matang macam siput, nampak lah kau makin tua, makin okay.tah lah. dysfunctional betul lah weh. kau bagi wish aku exam pun dah hujan macam hape tah. aku memang tak boleh lah ngan kau ni. serious ah aku cakap, aku sayang kau. dah berapa kali ni aku cakap aku sayang kau neh? bersyukur k? bersyukur. heee. kau kan wali aku bila aku gatal nak kahwin nanti. takkan aku nak suruh ijam kut? kau kan abang, thats your job kut.
to adik, akak sayang kau jugak kut. aku ada kau dengan abang je kenit oi. kau lah kawan aku gaduh, kawan aku nangis, kawan aku main, kawan aku gelak. kau lah kawan aku dik. kau memang annoying kut. aku rasa gene kita ni memang banyak darah annoying kut. tapi aku bangga ah dengan kau. aku harap kau jadi hafiz dik. and aku harap kau dapat lah capai impian impian kau. satu benda yang aku takkan mengaku is, kau pandai lukis dik. agak talented lah. tak membazir lah kau beli komik beratus tu. heh. akak tatau ah nak tulis apa, idea aku dah banyak lari kat abang kut. blame him kay. tapi yang pasti, aku memang sayang kau gila gila gila. ingat tu!
and for mama, goshhh. this is to hard kut. mama, youre one hella of a fighter. i mean youre my iron lady and i love you so much. nothing can describe how much you meant to me. you taught me lots of thing and i love your jokes.
and i cant continue this people. mata aku dah hujan dah. lebat masa aku taip to abang tu ha. maybe aku akan buat entry for mama, later. im such a crybaby.
huh
lets just stop right here kay, i need more tissue.
kbye
guys, aku ada baca tweets Adam dekat twitter pasal dia hilang two of the most important persons in his life. from leukimia and brain tumor.
beb. memang hit home kut. i cried even thou aku tak tahu pun dioang tu tapi taktau lah. aku sedih sangat. too many deaths okay.
and status aku for the past few days ni pun agak emo gak ah.
no. aku harap sangat yang abang aku takkan rasa that kind of kehilangan masa diroang muda ni. tak ada lah weh. they are brothers okay. i talked to my mum about this. and mama pun macam pelik asal pulak keluar nama abang kan? even aku tak nak mengaku, tapi aku envy their friendship okay. envy gila duh. and bila aku baca tweets Adam tu, tah lah weh. rasa sedih pulak.
ahhh! sangat sedih weh. and aku doa jugak moga Allah pinjamkan abang and adik kat aku lama sikit. aku tak rasa kut aku kuat nak hilang lagi satu tiang penting dalam hidup aku. which reminds aku. next year is 2016 people, it will be eleven years since Ayah left. Allah. it will be over a decade but the pains are still there. it hurts everytime. and sometimes remembering those happy moments. but luckily aku still ada bits by bits about him but adik is too small kut. and tah lah weh. deaths got me like this. ive got a tissue in my hand right now i tell you. its hard weh. taktau lah aku ni memang tak kuat kalau mende mende macam ni.
beb. memang hit home kut. i cried even thou aku tak tahu pun dioang tu tapi taktau lah. aku sedih sangat. too many deaths okay.
and status aku for the past few days ni pun agak emo gak ah.
no. aku harap sangat yang abang aku takkan rasa that kind of kehilangan masa diroang muda ni. tak ada lah weh. they are brothers okay. i talked to my mum about this. and mama pun macam pelik asal pulak keluar nama abang kan? even aku tak nak mengaku, tapi aku envy their friendship okay. envy gila duh. and bila aku baca tweets Adam tu, tah lah weh. rasa sedih pulak.
I AM HIS SIBS BY BLOOD BUT THEY ARE HIS BY BONDS
Allah, pinjamkan mama, abang, adik lama sikit please.
Monday, December 7, 2015
this day was eventful. i will tell you guys later if i wanna talk about it. just one thing for sure.
jangan mudah percaya dekat orang lain. even kau dah kenal 20 tahun pun, don't give 100% of your trust to that person.
and to adik adik yang akan go on to the world of independence, satu je nak cakap.. life kau kau sendiri yang kena take control tau. buat the right choice. jangan menyesal. memang lah life takkan happening kalau kau tak take chances. make the right choice okay. and jangan percaya kat orang. hati orang lain lain dik oi, aku tak nak korang rasa apa yang aku rasa, even baru kenal pun, still lah rasa fucked up okay. so, ingat okay. ingat.
DO NOT TRUST OTHERS EASILY
people are different colors okayjangan mudah percaya dekat orang lain. even kau dah kenal 20 tahun pun, don't give 100% of your trust to that person.
and to adik adik yang akan go on to the world of independence, satu je nak cakap.. life kau kau sendiri yang kena take control tau. buat the right choice. jangan menyesal. memang lah life takkan happening kalau kau tak take chances. make the right choice okay. and jangan percaya kat orang. hati orang lain lain dik oi, aku tak nak korang rasa apa yang aku rasa, even baru kenal pun, still lah rasa fucked up okay. so, ingat okay. ingat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
